||[Aug. 23rd, 2006|10:28 pm]
so here i stand...more than confused than ever...it's been a little over 2 weeks now since i've either done coke or dope...which is very good...and it's been 2 days now since i've smoked or drank...well getting sober from the hard stuff means you have to get sober from all drugs...including smoking and drinking..mushrooms too?!...which was like so much a part of my life...and i still love so much...so now im stuck because i dont know what to doooo...I want to keep doing it so much but i dont want to be fighting getting sober for the rest of my lifee....BLEH. why does life have to be so complicated...does this mean i'm not ready to be getting sober? I just want an answer...I just want it to be easy...I just want to fucking be ok and be able to smoke a joint without it being a crime or have a cold one and it end at that..I dunno i'm just very confused. can't you tell? oh and it gets more complicated because my boyfriends NOW finally getting serious about getting sober and is in rehab and keeps asking me if im clean...and i dont want to not help him...I want to be able to tell him i'm clean but...I want to be able to go to a concert and eat some mushrooms...whats wrong with this picture?