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getting sober [Aug. 23rd, 2006|10:28 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |Flaming lips]

so here i stand...more than confused than ever...it's been a little over 2 weeks now since i've either done coke or dope...which is very good...and it's been 2 days now since i've smoked or drank...well getting sober from the hard stuff means you have to get sober from all drugs...including smoking and drinking..mushrooms too?!...which was like so much a part of my life...and i still love so much...so now im stuck because i dont know what to doooo...I want to keep doing it so much but i dont want to be fighting getting sober for the rest of my lifee....BLEH. why does life have to be so complicated...does this mean i'm not ready to be getting sober? I just want an answer...I just want it to be easy...I just want to fucking be ok and be able to smoke a joint without it being a crime or have a cold one and it end at that..I dunno i'm just very confused. can't you tell? oh and it gets more complicated because my boyfriends NOW finally getting serious about getting sober and is in rehab and keeps asking me if im clean...and i dont want to not help him...I want to be able to tell him i'm clean but...I want to be able to go to a concert and eat some mushrooms...whats wrong with this picture?
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18 days dope freeee... :D [Feb. 13th, 2006|08:51 pm]
[mood |thankfulthankful]
[music |Jack johnson]

Sweet jesus...It has been a little over 2 weeks since the last time i used heroin...hell yes!! I'm very proud of me and my boyfrieennddd....it's time for me to put the past year behind me...I havent been completely sober though...last tuesday, me and my boyfriend ended up $100 piece of crack....damn...that drug could be worse than heroin...I lost control the first day i tried it...kept going back to my house that whole day and just kept stealing money from my parents so i could buy more and more....i liked that drug way to much to ever fucking try it again...so it's been a week clean from that...and I've been smoking some buds and drinkin soco to get me away from the hard drugs...to be honest i dont know where i went wrong...I needed to get back to my roots man...just stick to the green stuff and the fungi :) damn...life is so amazing without hard drugs... <3333 thanks for everyone whos been giving me their support...it means the world <33
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Fuck [Jan. 1st, 2006|04:57 pm]
[mood |drainedDoped up]
[music |dredg]

So...It seems i have fallen off the face of the earth....finally got out of the rehab program....I was doin real good...i was going to NA meetings stayin clean...stayin away from people, places, and things....but i dunno what happened man...Stopped going to NA meetings...and shits just gone down the drain....im going through the hardest time of my life right now...and im so fucking clueless...Ive been doing anything i can get my hands on...Ive been flirting with heroin again about 4 bags a day...and moneys going quick without a job...i have to resort to pawning things until i get my hands on a job... Ive just been real depressed lately....My fience and I were both stayin clean and me and him were amazing...and fucking then I started to slip with drinking and he started to slip with heroin i guess...I dunno he'd lie to me so i dont really know the deal....and then on tuesday...he fucking went missing...me and his family had no idea where the fuck he was or if he was alive...me and his mom went looking for him...Id go looking for him all the time...4 days passed and no word from him or anything....so i did what i do best...got fucked up each night on heroin, coke, pills, and bud...just dont care anymore i dunno....He was found about 2 days ago....he broke into his grandparents house and stole credit cards and was using them....so at the moment hes in jail...and i had to spend new years without him....Im so fucking hurt from his lies and what he does...I cheated on him for the first time ever....I never thought i would....but im so fucking hurt i dunno im not thinking clearly...and to be honest i want to hurt him like hes hurt me...and thats impossible....but its a poor attempt....and i fucking know what i did is so wrong and so fucked up but I dont know whats happening to me and him...but i know we can make it through anything...and i hope he fucking stops with these hard drugs cuz i have more control than he does and when he quits as will i...I want him to worry over me...like i have for the past 11 months....i love him so much and i cant ditch him like everyone has in this world....i know he can change....this isnt shaun...this is the fucking drugs taking over his body....I knew the shaun before all of this...and i know hes still alive
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Drug free [Dec. 10th, 2005|06:12 pm]
I've been out of rehab for about a week now...doin real good...im in outpatient...its alright...keepin me clean so guess its working....my fience and me are doing amazing...couldnt ask for anything else right now...just real scared about how my grades are gunna be effected from missing all of this school
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Rehab [Nov. 16th, 2005|12:50 pm]
[mood |scaredscared]
[music |string cheese incident]

Damn...well some shits finally cought up to me i guess....but I'm goin to rehab tomorrow mornin...eh itll be my first time and hopefully my last....it was willingly...i was the one who wanted to go...but the more time passes and the more i think about it...I'm becoming more scared, I'm not sure if its the future without heroin and some other drugs..or if thats even possible for me, i know i can live without heroin if i really try..but i dunno drugs became my normal and face it i god damn love drugs..I cant live a completely sober life..I know when i get out im going to smoke and do mushrooms and acid..purhaps pills even...i dunno if thats a real shitty mind set but i just wanna go back to the green stuff and mushrooms maaan fdkljfalk anyway i dont even know what i'm saying sorry if i sound fucking dumb as hell right now but i have a million thoughts running through my head, anyway...I'm going to be gone for 2 weeks...no big deal compared to a bettter life but...i dunno...im going to miss thanksgiving with my family and stuff like that...i dunno...i just feel very selfish but i know i shouldnt but i do in someway ;\
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Trip the shr0omfantastic [Sep. 13th, 2005|10:58 pm]
[mood |stressedstressed]
[music |string cheese]

I havent been able to update...just been busy with school, work, volleyball, and going through a stressful time right now...I have very mixed feelings about this past weekend...I had a very good time saturday...I ate some mushrooms and had a pretty good trip...for about 15 minutes though i've had my first bad trip, i learned a lot from this trip and i know my family has noticed a change in me...they said ive been very quiet..but i've just been thinking and upset i guess i dont know...i just have a lot on my mind to be honest.

I'll update maybe tomorrow with pictures...but its 11 and i have to wake up at 6 so...good night

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wow... what a crazy niiggghtt [Aug. 22nd, 2005|02:08 am]
[mood |blahTripping face]
[music |311]

So i can't even beginning to describe my night in words...I think it is and will remain physically impossible...but i can barely explain....Soo um I went to 311 tonight...well now last night i guess and ate amazing mushrooms at 7:30pm...it's now 2:14am and i still feel them and i only ate 2.something grams so....they were fucking amazing...wow this was def the best 311 show i've been to...so colorful...such an amazing show,....wow. The pit was crazy, the pot was crazy, the mushrooms were crazy, the sky was fucking crazy, the ride home, and the whole fucking night was crazy, and i'm fucking crazy hahah.....well i guess i'll leave it at that...and a few pictures to top it off.

MussshhrrrooooooomsssssssssssssssssssssCollapse )

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(no subject) [Aug. 9th, 2005|01:52 am]
[music |311]

pssst 311 is streaming the whole new album oooon www.myspace.com/311 :D
vedy vedy gooood

god damn i love 311

um...so i found out one of my best friends is moving to texas for good and they leave tomorrow and i didnt get to say goodbye ;'\...geh. good luck darlin, where ever you go in life <3333333
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Hey guys!! [Jul. 21st, 2005|01:50 pm]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[music |the doors]

uuuhhhh so this week i just back from All good music festival...Did any of you guys go?...It was the best time of my fucking life hands down...Camping on top of a mountain, tripping face with the love of your life...listening to amazing music...fucking priceless...words cant begin to describe..The people there were so fucking nice...we all were drugged up dirty peaceful loving hippies...and there for 2 things...Drugs and amazing music

Thursday                                               Friday                                       Saturday                  Sunday

Just set of the tent and smoked      Got some more dank bud       Smoked dank bud     Smoked :D

some west coast dank bud.            Got 3 doses of acid                 Ate an 8th and a half of shrooms

                                                  Got an amazing 8th of mushrooms    Got a gram of raw coke

                                                            Half gram of yayo                   Ate ganja brownies

                                                            A bag of heroin

                                                            A bag of mollie (pure xtc)

                                                            Anything else...i cant remember ;x


Many many picturesCollapse )

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7 days until all goood omg... !!!!! [Jul. 6th, 2005|09:28 pm]
[mood |excitedSo fucking excited damn.]
[music |Keller williams]

psychedelic is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

Sweeeeet so...so far i can pay for all the concert tickets i'm going to this summer....and bring more money than i thought to all good....its getting closer and closer uhhhh!!!

July 14th-18th All good
Aug 21- 311
Aug 22- 311
Aug 23 - The mars volta and system of a down
Aug 24 - 311
Sept 2-4 Moe down

Ps.. I'll right a better journal later
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