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My brain is just a jellyfish in the ocean of my head [Jul. 2nd, 2005|02:01 am]
[mood |highhigh]
[music |string cheese - jellyfish]

UUUHHHH i cant get the all good festival off my mind...im so fucking excited 12 days until my boyfriend and me leave for it uuuhhhh this is going to be such an amazing experience...one of the best i can feel it in my bones..I get to experience my first music fesitval with the love of my life just the 2 of us...i cant fucking wait for the ride down its just going to be so amazing oh fuck :D GHDKLJFA....

sO i have an issue, i have 11 piercings in my ears and lately i've been thinking...I wanna take a couple out so i'd have about 5 or 7....but i'm actually scared too...just cuz my piecings are such a big part of me and i feel like thats the only thing that makes me really stand out...i dunno...its just weird...like i'm afraid to let the go..but yeah so i took 2 holes out last night but im thinking about putting them back in cuz i just dont think i can take that leap even though i want to....how i've become a chicken for change ;x

So i threw a ran picture in here i took the other day when i went for a jog down my road...sometimes i really like new jersey...but oh i can also hate it as well


I smoked 6 blunts tonight so i feel pretty damn good...

well im gunna go put some music on and relax on my bed and fall asleep ...havent slept good in a good while now

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Fuck. [Jun. 3rd, 2005|06:40 pm]
[mood |aggravatedpissed at self]
[music |muse]

So today i started out having a goood day...but frankly sometimes i just dont think things all the way through...i guess it was that or i thought i wouldnt get caught. I shoplifted today at the mall and i got caught...i stole this wicked hippie skirt, they didnt press charges thank god. but they took me and my friends picture and then my dad had to come pick me up from the mall. My dad was real cool about it, he knew i was ashamed so he didnt make it worse which i respect him for...my friends parents are very pissed at me i can tell, i doubt she'll ever be allowed to hang out with me again with her parents knowing. I feel bad for her, i dunno. it was both of our faults but i just feel like shit. outta all of this my friends mom went through my stuff and found my bowl in my friends car. she fucking took my favorite bowl, and i'm never going to get it back. Again i lost an awesome bowl because i was stupid and didnt think about what i was doing. I dunno why i do that, i mean everyone makes mistakes but, maybe sometimes i think i'm invincible or something i dunno.
So i'm going to have to pay a fucking fine. i dont have a record though which is cool..but i need to get a job to pay the fine...

RIP Kaleidoscope...you were fucking amazing. </3
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PMS is kicking in bleh why does it make me so emotional? :| [May. 25th, 2005|10:35 pm]
[mood |okayokay]
[music |jack johnson]

So...I have to wait about another week and half for the results from the biopsy.  I havent been thinking about it at all but sitting here having time to think, it's starting to make my stomach turn again. ...I dunno what the test is even testing for..It's making sure its not cancer i guess, or what stage my cells are at.  I'm sick of being unhealthy, I'm sick of doctors saying i could have this or that. I'm sick of taking this test and that test. now i have to go to the gyno every 4 months to make sure its not advancing, i dont want to deal with this shit, i'm only 17.

PicccturesCollapse )

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(no subject) [May. 22nd, 2005|10:44 pm]
[mood |lovedwords couldn't describe]
[music |postal service]

uuuhhhh my hoody smelllsss like him soooooo much i cant stop smelling it and cuddling with it hehe..i had such an amazing weekend with shaun.. I didnt think it was possible to love someone this much and it just keeps getting stronger and stronger and its just fucking ridiculously amazing :D

if i had to describe his and my relationship with 3 tangible objects it would be:
Green tea
Burts and bees/ hemp lip balm
camel lights/ silvers

god the list could go on kfdhalfkja

i have to get back into my art again
i have to sort certain things out in my head
tomorrow im going to sit down and just think about life and organize shit <3
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woooow what a fucking crazy ass day holy shit [May. 15th, 2005|03:50 am]
[mood |weirdhead full of acid]
[music |311 - i told myself]

Acid tripCollapse )
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(no subject) [May. 12th, 2005|01:51 am]
[mood |lovedthinking of shaun]
[music |sublime]

So I havent updated in awhile so, i figured i shall do so....last thursday i got a letter from my doctor telling a test i took at my annual check up can back adnormal and that there was a possiblity i have cancer and i need to go in for further testing or could become serious.  It hit me hard man, i just wasnt expecting to hear anything like that....i'm only 17 years old and cervical cancer..fuck..well yesterday i went for testing and she said she actually saw a patch of skin that appeared adnormal so she took a biospy of it...and i get the results of my condition i guess in 3 weeks...well she says she believes its just a mild step away from normal cells but its in the early stages that could turn into cancer if not helped on its own i guess...something like that so i have to go back ever 4 months after i get the results to make sure im not getting sicker....::crosses fingers::

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii loooooooooooveeee shaun, he is the love of my life and my future husband...theres gallaxies in his eyes

sometimes i dont feel pretty and i wish i did...i wish i was in shape like i used to be

I wish i was a fairy...if i could be a mystcal creature i would be a fairy with stunning wings ....actually like in this picture...

amazing pictureCollapse )

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(no subject) [May. 1st, 2005|11:32 pm]
[mood |crazycrazy]
[music |rollingstones]

uuuuh what a crazy weekend! i tripped the shro0ms fantastic...I finally shroomed with my boyfriend, i've been trying to trip with him for well over a year now...it def was amazing..after porcupine tree, i wanna trip just me and him on a beautiful day outside, preferably at my house.  me, him, scott, and phil ate an 8th each...they had some nice size caps and stems.  It was a pretty good trip, crazy ass body high, some visuals...Time stopped friday night man...i was at one with myself.  The answer of life had come to me while i was tripping...all it is, is just breathe. Just Breathe. it was pretty crazy. at one point i was laying on top of shaun and we were just breathing in and out of each other...he was my oxygen and i was his...one day i am going to marry this boy and share our lives together.

it feels weird being back in reality. the few days after tripping are just so bleh

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Ms. shakey shake ;x [Apr. 11th, 2005|12:33 am]
[mood |lovedGlowing]
[music |Porcupine Tree]

what an amazing weekend...i cant stress that enough...phil came over my house played me in a quick game in halo and then we went to go pick up shaun from work, then we went back to phils house...i love our friends theres a lot of drama and bad shit going on for all of us but i know it'll get better and everyone will be able to enjoy themselves again...friday i got reaaal fucked up. i have to admit, i havent been that fucked up in like 2 weeks! after everyone went to bed...me and shaun set up the bed in the living room and watched ice age, super troopers, phantoms...TWICE..,and then donnie darko...after about getting 2 hours of sleep me and shaun layed in bed for awhile and then got dressed and went on the roof :D we both got sunburnt all over...then we took a drive and got tacobell for breakfast and sat on the porch the rest of the day...then later scott, lauren, shaun and me went to see sahara the movie..it was alright, better than i thought it would be. I had to go home after that but since no one was home at my house, and my sister was sleeping out for the night, i snuck shaun in my house...he hid in my closest when my parents came home in case they went in my room and then i went to "bed" and we slept in till about 8:30 and then my parents left for a party...so me and shaun had the whole house to ourselves the whole day :D....it was sooooo amazing....he left at 8:15pm...my sister came home about 8:40pm and then my parents came home 9:20ish...and no one had a clue what a amazing weekend i really had :D

i love him so much...i love just talking to him...how i can talk to him about anything...i love kissing him, and how i feel completely safe with him...I love how i have a future with him and i cant wait...I love how he's my best friend and we can be goofy together and smoke mad pot and do crazy drugs together....I love him...I love everything about him...he's just so perfect for me...he's my second half...
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what is the meaning of this [Apr. 4th, 2005|03:20 am]
[mood |awakeFucking wide awake.]

ITS 3:20AM AND I CANT FUCKING SLEEP and i have school tomorrow HEY IT'S 4:20 SOMEWHERE =]

godddd dammit.... I've been having real shitty sleep lately...I can never sleep and when i do i have really weird deep long dreams and a lot of them...lately i've been confusing whats real and whats been just a dream..and i wake up sweating. fucking a..I havent even taken a shower yet...I suck at life -_-

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[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |311 - feels so good]

I'm going to bitch in this entry...so if that bothers you...dont fucking read it.

Fuck this.Collapse )

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